


I'll Join You, Asshole

by Psychopathic_Nerd54



Series: Dem Salty Bois (and friends) One Shots [26]
Category: Dem Salty Bois - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, But it's still a thing, Concern, Delusions, Funerals, Gar is in denial, Heavy Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, Shawn just wants what's best for him, like it's barely there, mild violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:26:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23581561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Psychopathic_Nerd54/pseuds/Psychopathic_Nerd54
Summary: Torn up over Patrck's death, Gar shuts out everyone and everything, including his boyfriend, and it ends up destroying him completely.
Relationships: Garuku | Garuku Bluemoon/PatrckStatic, Garuku | Garuku Bluemoon/RitzPlays | Shawn Arthur
Series: Dem Salty Bois (and friends) One Shots [26]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/929742
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	I'll Join You, Asshole

"We are here today on a mission. On a special mission from God to commemorate the beloved and tragically departed life of this young man. This young man who left us too soon.

"For those of you who may not have known Patrck, he was a kind soul. He cared deeply for his friends, his family, his fans, as well as so many other people. Patrck was a important part of everyone's lives and he will be dearly missed.

"One of the most tragic facts of life is that we all must venture from it in the future. We cannot grasp why or how until that time has come for us, and even then, we cannot truly fathom the prospect of death because as soon as it's upon us, we are no longer living.

"Young Patrck, a man of merely twenty-six, left on his own free will. The grievances he leaves with us are harrowing, but despite any arbitrary thoughts we wield towards this dearly departed friend, brother, and son; we must learn to view the prospects of his accommodations and come to terms with it. We must continue to love him despite the fact he is gone. His life was valuable and deserves nothing less than our admiration and thanks for blessing us with his short, precious life."

~♥~

**_One Month Later_ **

"Gar?"

Shawn knocked on the locked bathroom door, barely hearing the crying emitting from the other side.

"Gar, please open the door. You've been in there for hours."

The doorknob rattled as Shawn tried, for the hundredth time, to open the door. Gar ignored it again and again, sinking even further into himself.

"Please Gar, just come out? You don't have to say anything to me, just let me see you." Shawn was begging at this point. Gar barely heard him, all he could hear was the last words he exchanged with Patrck that night. They just replayed over and over in his head. All he could see was the look on Pat's face when he left. If only Gar had seen it then: the sorrow, the longing.

The love.

Patrck truly loved Gar.

But now it's too late.

And that's what made everything so much more painful.

Shawn sighed from outside the bathroom door but Gar barely heard it. The noise in his head kept blaring louder and louder and he wasn't quite sure if he wanted it to stop. That noise was Patrck, and Gar was barely functioning without him. The noise was all he had left.

"Babe..." Shawn started again from outside. He could feel his heart breaking more for his boyfriend the longer he was ignored. "I don't know if you can hear me or not but if you can: I just want you to know that I love you. I can't stand seeing you like this, it's like you died right along with him and I miss you. The old you. Before everything happened. So please come out. Please let me help you."

Shawn was right: Gar didn't hear him. At least, not at first. It wasn't until a few hours later that the words Shawn said hit him like a train and he left the bathroom in search of his boyfriend.

Shawn was immediate to wrap Gar up in his arms and let him let it all out. Gar said nothing, and neither did Shawn (despite the occasional sentiments). All Shawn wanted was Gar to be able to confide in him and become the happy man he was before; and all Gar wanted was Patrck in Shawn's place, even if the comfort was warm in that moment.

Gar fell asleep that night in Shawn's arm, shivering with quiet sobs, Patrck's name floating from his lips occasionally. In the meantime, Shawn did not sleep a wink, worried for the sleeping man in his arms. He couldn't leave Gar, even though he knew his feelings weren't as reciprocated as he once thought. He refused to leave him.

~~~

The next morning, Gar woke up to a warm body and a soft touch. His whole body was sore, but the person wrapped around him seemed to ease the pain.

"You're awake." A soft voice whispered quietly as Gar shifted further into the strong arms.

Gar opened his eyes to smile up the guy, only to gasp. The face he saw he never expected to see again, especially in this proximity. But it was unmistakable.

Gar was staring up at the face of Patrck.

Gar felt his heart swell at the sight, tears roll down his face. Relief flowed all over him as he stared up at that goofy smile and that stupid Gengar hat he always wore. Gar wanted to cry, but all that came across was the largest smile he could muster, tears slowly rolling.

Patrck lifted a hand, wiping the stray tears as they fell.

"Gar, are you okay?" Patrck voice was just as Gar remembered only..softer. Patrck spoke gently, gaze landing lovingly on Gar. The latter could only nod his head, relishing in the sight of the man he loves, holding him like he never left.

"I-- Pat, how are you alive? I mean- you... you--you're funeral was a month ago. How are you alive?" Gar was stuttering, not knowing what to say.

"Shhh, don't worry about that, babe. I'm here, I'll always be here." Patrck stated, leaning down gently and pressing his soft lips to Gar's head. Gar closed his eyes. He never wanted this to end, never. He just wanted to lay there forever in Patrck's ar--

"Gar?" A voice broke through the moment, splitting the atmosphere like shattering glass. Gar turned his head sharply to glare at his intruder, who happened to be none other than his boyfriend.

"What, Shawn?" Gar asked in a rather annoyed voice.

"A-are you okay? Do you need anything?" Shawn asked really softly, worry seeping through his voice. The worry caused Gar to grow mad at his boyfriend. There was no reason for him to worry. Gar was fine; he was fine now that Patrck had returned to him.

"I'm fine Shawn! Leave us alone!" Gar snapped, turning his attention back to Patrck, who was staring at him in amusement.

"Gar, who is 'us'? There's no one else here." Shawn asked hesitantly and in confusion.

"What did you say?" Gar snapped.

"Th-- Gar, we're the only two in here." Shawn's statement was more firm this time.

Gar looked back at Patrck in disbelief. The latter's expression remained calm. He raised his hand to gently stroke Gar's cheek.

"It's okay, Gar. Don't get mad at him." Patrck whispered softly in Gar's ear so he was the only one who could hear him. Gar calmed for half a second, relishing in the feeling of Patrck and the sound of his voice in his ear. But that was only half a second.

Gar practically fell off the couch, fuming with anger. "No, Patrck, it's not okay." Gar turned his attention back to Shawn. "Why are you saying no one else is here?" Gar demanded. "Can you not see Patrck sitting right there?"

Shawn's face contorted in confusion before realization hit him. "Oh, Gar." Shawn breathed out desperately.

Something like sadness crossed Shawn's features and the looked only pissed Gar off even more.

"Come with me, Gar. Let me get you something to eat."

"No, Shawn! I'm not fucking hungry. Fucking answer me, why the hell are you saying Patrck isn't here?!"

Shawn looked away from Gar, biting his lip slightly. After a few moments, he looked back up at Gar, the only expression showing being sadness and heartache. "Because he's dead, Gar."

~~~

The next few days went by in a blur for Gar. He spent every waking moment with Patrck.

He was neglecting everything. He was ignoring all the texts and calls that came in through his phone, he hadn't been on YouTube in a really long time. He knew he was probably losing subscribers but he couldn't bring himself to give a shit.

But most of all, Gar was neglecting Shawn.

The latter was really starting to grow worried. He didn't know what to do about Gar anymore. He knew he had become a speck of a person that happens to take residence in the same accommodations as Gar at this point. He hated it. He was watching the man he fell in love with fall apart right before his very eyes and he couldn't do anything because as soon as he tried to approach Gar, he would just get yelled at and told to fuck off.

Shawn even tried calling Wade and JP to see if they could help. The two, as well as Molly, had been blowing up Gar's phone trying to get a response but to no avail. Gar was too wrapped up in a memory that he was too convinced was real.

Shawn would have tried making an appointment with a therapist but he knew that would do nothing to help Gar. It would only make him angrier and maybe even cause him to try to move out. Shawn wanted to make sure Gar was safe and him moving out was the worst way to do that.

Sawn decided to try one more time to talk to Gar. He needed to get through to him. He didn't want to lose Gar, and he knew the old Gar was in there somewhere. He had to be.

So Shawn cautiously made his way to the room he shared with Gar that was now being taken up by Gar and his delusion of Patrck. Gar had completely kicked Shawn from the room, leaving him to the couch.

Shawn contemplated knocking but he knew Gar wouldn't respond if he did. Hell, he probably wouldn't even respond if he just barged in. But Shawn had to try to get through to him.

So barge in he did. As predicted, Gar didn't even look at him. He was lying in their bed, arms wrapped around nothing, and smiling up to the pillow, leaning into the air.

But Gar's perspective showed him snuggling in bed with Patrck as the latter stroked his hair softly, whispering sweet nothing into his ear. Gar was in heaven. Nothing could have been more perfect in that moment than this.

But then there was the sound of someone clearing their voice in the doorway.

"Gar, can we talk?" Shawn asked slowly and reluctantly. Gar froze and looked up at Patrck, his expression quickly changing to annoyance from the complete and utter joy and love that was there before.

"Why should I talk to you, Shawn?" Gar asked, glancing over his shoulder at the man.

"I just need to talk to you." Shawn said, this time with a bit more confidence in his voice, but not as much as he would have liked.

"What if I don't want to?" As Gar spoke, he buried himself further into Patrck's chest which was really empty air. The action caused Shawn's heart to break even further. If only Gar could see how much he really cared about him and loved him. If only Gar could see how much this whole situation was killing Shawn inside. If only Gar could see...

"Please, Gar?" Shawn pleaded desperately. 

Gar let out a sigh. Shawn could practically see the eye roll. "Stay here." Gar mumbled before making a motion in the bed that looked like he was kissing someone, only no one was there. He was kissing no one, and it made Shawn sick to see. He couldn't help but look away, closing his eyes tightly.

It wasn't long until Gar was out of the bed, pulling his clothes back on, and making his way towards Shawn.

The two left the room and made their way into the kitchen to talk. 

"What do you want, Shawn?" Gar asked in annoyance.

Shawn ran a hand through his hair. "Patrck's not here." Shawn said bluntly, watching as Gar completely tensed at his words, wondering if he approached this the right way. Well, he knew he didn't approach it the right way but Gar needed to hear it.

"I dare you to say that again." Gar seethed with clenched teeth and clenched fists, making Shawn's heart clench in response. 

"Patrck's dead, Gar. You know that." Shawn stated quietly, brows furrowed and expression sad, making his way towards his boyfriend, who was practically shaking with rage. All Gar could think of were the words 'how dare he?' How dare he accuse him of lying about something like this? Did Shawn think he didn't know the man he fucking loves when he sees him?

"No, fuck you. He's here. He's alive. I've seen him. I've been in his arms. I have fucking kissed him, Shawn! He's here, I know he is!" Gar protested defensively. He noticed the man in front of him flinch slightly at his words, but he kept his ground, as did Gar.

"Gar, I know you want it to be true, but it's not. He's in your head." Shawn was now standing directly in front of his boyfriend. He placed his hands on Gar's shoulders, looking directly into Gar's raging eyes as calmly as he could. "I'm real, Gar. I'm trying to help you get over him but you keep running back to a dead man. I realize you love him but can't you at least let me try to help you love me? I may never live up to Patrck in your heart but let me in, it's all I'm asking."

Gar's expression didn't even soften in the slightest. In fact, the anger only increased. Gar backed away from the man, practically throwing Shawn's hands back at him. 

"Gar, you're wasting away. You have no idea how it feels watching you lose yourself like this just because of someone who's dead now."

"He's not fucking dead, Shawn!" Gar yelled, so full of rage and disbelief that he had to physically restrain himself from punching Shawn. "How can you fucking say that? Just because you're jealous of hi--"

"Gar, do you remember that note he left you? Do you remember the funeral? Do you remember the look on poor JP's face when he gave you the news? What do you think happened? That this was some big set up for Patrck to get you back? If that was the case, why is there a tombstone with Patrck's name on it? Why is there a family grieving the loss of their son and a whole fan base leaving condolences on your Twitter? Not like you even have been checking social media at all. Why is there a body identical to Patrck's six feet under? And most importantly, this Patrck you've been spending all your time with, why can't I see him? How do you think this is real?"

Shawn didn't mean to lose his temper like that, he really didn't. And this seemed to be the last straw for Gar. The next thing either of them knew, a fist had collided into Shawn's face, making him stumble backwards into the counter.

"What's going on down here?" A voice only Gar could hear came from the stairs.

"He provoked me." Gar hissed to Patrck.

"Gar, he's not here." Shawn mumbled in a last, desperate attempt to get Gar to understand, before spitting a bit of blood on the counter. 

"Oh, fuck you." Gar groaned at Shawn, before turning back to Patrck. "Take me away from here?"

Gar watched as a smile spread across Patrck's face. "I've been waiting for you to say that. Follow me, I know just the place."

"Take me there." Gar said, calming his emotions and smiling at the love of his life.

"G-Gar, please don't--"

"You don't get to speak, Shawn." Gar spat out, relishing in the irony of his word choice. "Let's go, Pat."

~~~

It was a good hour after Gar left with Patrck and the two were still walking, hand in hand, through the cold of the night air. It was a brisk, chilly night, but Gar knew he wouldn't want to be anywhere else. As long as he was with the person he loves, he knew he was complete.

"We're almost there, don't worry love." Patrck said softly, causing Gar to smile up at him. 

"Where are we going?" Gar asked curiously.

"That's a surprise." Patrck whispered.

A few more minutes found the two at a winding road leading upwards towards the mouth of a large cliff. It gave a beautiful view of the city down below. The hustle and bustle of California seemed so miniscule at this distance. City lights glowed, magnified by the natural light of the moon. Gar couldn't think of a sight more beautiful. The two couldn't even hear the city traffic from this distance. They were at complete peace with the world.

"It's beautiful up here." Gar mentioned to Patrck, turning to face him, only to be faced with confusion. Patrck was no longer standing next to him.

And in that moment of confusion, a bright, blinding light erupted from the sky, enveloping Gar's vision in its magnitude. Gar had only heard of a light like this in stories. He felt drawn to it, like a moth to a flame. He took a few steps forward, reaching a hand out. Was it possible to touch a light? Gar didn't care, it looked so warm and inviting. Like freshly made cookies, straight out of the oven, or a blanket that had just been taken from the drier. Gar wasn't sure he could even express what he felt from seeing that light. It just felt like home.

And then Patrck was back, at the end of the light. His arms were wide open, encouraging Gar into them. That smile on Patrck's face made the light that much more bright and beautiful. And the words Pat spoke sent Gar over the edge.

"Come home to me, Gar. I love you, you asshole." 

And suddenly Gar was off running. Running into the light at full speed.

Running into the warmth.

Running straight off of that cliff.

But straight into Patrck's arms.

And straight into love.

~~~

"Here rests the young soul of a man who held great potential to this world. He has been called many things throughout the years: kindhearted, gentle, loving, and overall a warming hand to society. Many people benefited from his greatness; and many more are sure to perish in his absence.

"There were not many who knew the struggle of this man. He lived, he loved, he lost, and he suffered. From suffering comes longing, and from longing comes the unexplainable. No one can really know what came over this man to bring him to take his own life, but there is always a constant. One thing is always certain even in the most dire of times.

"Love.

"Love can cause joy. It can cause sorrow. It can cause longing and desperation. It can cause heartache and heartbreak. It brings out the best in people, but it also brings out the worst. It can bring you to make mistakes, just as fast as it can bring you to make wise decisions. Love can be ugly, but it can also be beautiful. It can build you up, but it can also tear you down.

"Love can be everything and anything you can ever want or desire. It can be tender and soft, or rough and sexual. It can be tantalizing, and yet disappointingly distasteful in the end.

"And yet, even through all the ups and downs, everyone loves someone and everyone is loved by someone. This man passed bearing the memory of his lost love. We can't know for sure if this love gone was the reason for his passing, but it is evident that this passing caused him pain. A great deal of it.

"So here lies two hearts. Although they may be shriveled and cold, they have never been so alive. Patrck Static and Garuku Bluemoon, may your souls be reunited and may your hearts finally be able to beat as one."


End file.
